Motherhood: On Having only One child

Monday, January 18, 2016

We are one and done.  Yes, I said it. Bring on the naysayers! If I had a quarter for every time someone asked when I will be having another child, I would be rich. With that  being said, I understand the advice and the perception that comes along with only having one child, but seriously it wasn't a decision made during a drunken stupor.  

My husband and I put a lot of thought and time into our decision, and it is what is right for us.  We did not think "it is just easier with only one." There is so much more involved, and I find it astounding how people make so many assumptions when it comes to this decision. 

How about these considerations...maybe she can't have another baby or maybe they have a good reason (i.e. miscarriages, tough time getting pregnant, age, health, etc.) or maybe it is merely the best choice for them

Why is that people only think about the child.  She needs a companion, she needs someone to play with, she will be lonely, and so on.  What about the parents? Are we not the ones raising the child(ren)? Are we not also affected? Believe me, we have taken our daughter into consideration, but it is not only her involved in the dynamic.  I want her to be raised in a happy fulfilled loving family.  

For me, the decision to have or not have another child was not based solely on giving my child a companion. To me, that sounds insane. I want to be a conscious parent and try to make the best decisions for my family.  Having children is a big responsibility. It is a little human who will eventually be an adult giving back to the world.  I don't know about you, but that is big time in my book.  
Even after making our decision, my husband and I are still affected when we hear pregnancy or birth announcements from our close friends and family.  I will not deny there are times we have to reconvene on the subject, but all-in-all, we always come back to our decision of being one and done.  We are not immune to the what-ifs, but we cannot live our life with the what if a surprise baby comes or what if we change our minds.  

Right now, this is our decision and we are standing by it.  I do not think choosing to only have one child makes us selfish or less parents than the next.  I think there is something to be said of adults making adult decisions and standing by them, and being okay with the what-ifs that may come along the way.  After all, that is what being a parent is all about. 


7 comments

  1. I know I have been one of the annoying people who ask if people who have one child are having another. Sorry. :-) A few weeks ago one of my 3 kids came home sick from school (I think he was faking) so we had lunch out and sorta a nice day with just the two of us and it was so nice and I could actually have a conversation with him without being constantly interrupted and it was so amazing. I immediately texted all my friends that have just one child that night to say that what they get to have with their kids (a super close relationship where you can actually talk to each other) must be so awesome. I know we have benefits from our kids having siblings but I sometimes forget the benefits you must get from having just one. :-) Nice Post.

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    1. Hi Carolyn! Thank you so much for your wonderful reply.

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  2. This was such a wonderful post, Lendy!
    You are absolutely right. We live in a judging world, people always have something to say, and honestly it is none of their business. When people chime in on adult decisions I honestly believe they are not weighing in all the adult costs physically or mentally, nor do I think they are debating putting in. ;)
    Thanks for sharing with us at #MMBH!
    XOXO

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    1. Thanks again Mrs. AOK! I was a bit hesitant to post it and even had my hubby read it over a few times..haha! I am glad I posted it and it feels great to have women/moms who understand! xoxo

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  3. I'm with you on this one. My husband and I have chosen to only have one child. We too are always getting the "questions". We are standing by our decision. visiting from #MMBH

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    1. Hi Gina! I enjoyed reading your blog as well! Get it girl! I am so glad there are moms who understand! It is crazy how much judgement us Moms of 1 go through...well moms in general sometimes! We gotta just shake it off.

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  4. It seems no matter what your family size, someone has to comment on it. I used to get tons of comments about our "huge" family when our bio children were all little. Now that we've started adopting, people don't say much any more. I guess they've figured out, it's not that we're too dumb to use birth control, we're actually doing this on purpose!

    p.s. We are near Sacramento, too. :)

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