Monday, April 9, 2018

I woke up at 5:50 a.m. which is definitely not my normal wake-up time.  I usually lay in bed half-asleep half-awake.  I hear the pitter patter of feet and hear my husband going into our daughter’s room to give her morning hugs.  Then they begin their morning routine.  Today I felt the yearning to be alongside them.  I opened my daughter’s bedroom door and she let out a surprised happy squeal when she saw me and met my eyes with the biggest smile ever.  She still had her messy hair all over her face and I could feel her energy reach out and suck me in like a warm blanket.  I got in her little bed and we cuddled, we laughed and she kept saying “Mom you’re here!” The three of us sat on the floor of her room and played drums and sang songs.  This is my life.  
I realize even if I am not a morning person I want to drop in on their morning routine more often.  Even though my husband didn’t say anything because he knows I am not my happiest self in the morning—I could feel his joy having me there too.  I made them pancakes and bacon.  We giggled, we started our morning routines, we had a little spat and made up as we always do.  Then my daughter shed some tears. She said she didn’t want to go to school because she would miss me too much.  I eased her worries with one of my off the cuff magic stories and reminded her I would be there to pick her up before she knew it.  It also took two skittles, extra kisses and me waiting at the door as they drove away.  She loves it when I walk them out (I know he does too).

These are the two people who have the ability to make me feel so loved because I am their person.  I appreciate how she makes us slow to her rhythm.

Of course, there are moments when my mind plays tricks on me.  I feel resentment for all I do. I feel under-appreciated for all the effort I put into keeping our home, feeding their bellies and their souls—until I realize—I do all of it because I want to.  Luna never asks me to cook for her or to clean her room.  Her requests are always “mom will you sit with me.”  My husband never says babe will you cook for me or never questions me.  His requests are always “take time for yourself my love.”  There is something to be said about remembering why we do the things we do. 

Today is just a regular Monday with The Salazar’s.  She’s at school, he’s at work and I am here sipping on cold coffee and reminiscing about them.  I know they say we moms have to remember who we were before this, but honestly I am happier here and now.